"Now they said, 'Don't forget where you come from. Don't die holdin' on to your words. Cause you know, you got a whole world to change, but understand who you gotta change first.'"
- Macklemore
Little Miss. Fancy Pants (that's me) learned some things over the past weekend. I learned something about myself, other people, and how the world should work.
This may not come as a shock to most of you that read this blog. I assume its mostly family. For anyone who is not super close with me, I will open up just a bit...
My father's side of the family and myself have not been getting a long for quite awhile. For the past couple of years it has been a battle and long winded struggle between us to see eye to eye on anything, or even just be in the same room without feeling judgment.
The debate over family issues came to a head last February and I have not really spoken to them since. Well, until recently. People on my mom's side have stepped up to bat for me, purely out of love, not realizing that they were causing more pain the help.
About a month and a half ago, my cousin Blaine snapped me out of my stubborn pride. I had been holding my ground in what I thought was a principle worth fighting for but in the end it was all made up out of anger and poorly justified. Because of my phenomenal cousin and his step-mom, I made a move everyone thought was outrageous and hoped it would lead me in a step towards reconciliation.
Now you are up to speed a bit. Over the month of November, I had been in correspondence with my grandfather. My dad's father. He was itching to meet with me and chat. We finally made that connection this past weekend.
Before walking into Tully's on 108th and Main St in Bellevue I had to prepare myself for two scenarios. Either this was going to be an argument, and I would have to get up and leave, or this was going to be a conversation I wanted. My hope was that we could forgive, forget, move on, and live our lives together the way it had been for the previous 26 years of my life. I'll just tell ya right now, we had a very favorable conversation and I could not be happier. :)
I did not get into specifics for a reason but I did want you, the reader, to understand that there was a struggle, hard feelings, and stubbornness in this painful time of my life.
Back to the quote that started this whole thing off. I have been listening to this song by a local Seattle hip-hop artist named, Macklemore. He is amazing and writes about relevant topics to inspire, teach, and entertain his audience. He taught me something very important that day. "Now they said, 'Don't forget where you come from. Don't die holdin' on to your words. Cause you know, you got a whole world to change, but understand who you gotta change first.'"
"Don't forget where you come from..." I come from a home where I was taught how to be tough. How to never let the world see your pain but to always be there for those people who couldn't be as strong as me. To help others and to know when it is ok to be right and when it is more important to be friends.
"Don't die holdin' on to your words..." We all say things we don't mean. Sometimes, when we say things in the heat of the moment we actually believe what we are saying is a solid point. After time you begin to realize that maybe what you think you believe in is dumb and it is causing you more pain than you realize. Be able to admit your faults or that maybe what you used to believe in has changed. It is ok to change your beliefs. We learn more as we get older. What did I learn? If your belief causes you pain every time you think about it, change it and accept the response you might get from others. It isn't about who is more valid than who, what matters is that the world around you gets better.
"Cause you know, you got a whole world to change, but understand who you gotta change first.'"
I'm a teacher and a coach for a reason. I want to change lives. I want the world that me and my family live in to be full of love and respect. In order for any of that to happen, I need to be sure that I am putting out what I want back. I need to be as understanding to others as I want them to be with me. I need to do the same with the effort I put in relationships, forgiveness, making others smile, etc. I must do things sometimes that might be really hard at the time because of what I feel and know that what I am doing will help in the long term. It isn't about finding answers fast, its about what is best down the road. So often we become selfish at the wrong times and then wonder why life sucks. Well, it is probably because we let our pride step in and take control when what we should do is relax and place ourselves in someone else's shoes. Believe the best people and in situations and you will receive the best.
The one person I want to thank the most through all of this, is my husband. He had a hard time with his grandparents too. Then he hit a point in his life where he realized his grandparents will not be around forever. He talked with them and shut the door on the past and moved on with them and rebuilt a relationship that had made is grandparents feel happy and loved. He did not make up with his grandparents for him, he did it for them. Really, deep down, I know it affected him positively too. He taught me how important it is to make decisions with other people in mind. The well being of your family is more important than your anger, pride, and sometimes even principles. Because in the end, it does not matter who was right and who was wrong. That is not the meaning of life. Being there for your family when they need you is what is most important because you never know how long you have with them.
I love my grandparents dearly and I can move on from all of this and start over with a free and clear heart and mind. I want to thank my cousin Blaine and Aunt Charlotte, my siblings, my mother, my in laws, and my husband for teaching me how to love the world and the people in it more than yourself. It's good to have a reminder once in a while and I thank you all for that.
The one person I want to thank the most through all of this, is my husband. He had a hard time with his grandparents too. Then he hit a point in his life where he realized his grandparents will not be around forever. He talked with them and shut the door on the past and moved on with them and rebuilt a relationship that had made is grandparents feel happy and loved. He did not make up with his grandparents for him, he did it for them. Really, deep down, I know it affected him positively too. He taught me how important it is to make decisions with other people in mind. The well being of your family is more important than your anger, pride, and sometimes even principles. Because in the end, it does not matter who was right and who was wrong. That is not the meaning of life. Being there for your family when they need you is what is most important because you never know how long you have with them.
I love my grandparents dearly and I can move on from all of this and start over with a free and clear heart and mind. I want to thank my cousin Blaine and Aunt Charlotte, my siblings, my mother, my in laws, and my husband for teaching me how to love the world and the people in it more than yourself. It's good to have a reminder once in a while and I thank you all for that.
