Last year was tough for numerous reasons. It was my first year and I got the job 3 weeks before the season started. I had to make some disciplinary decisions that were not popular but I knew were right, and towards the end of the year it felt like, at times, it was the seniors vs coaches. This made things fairly difficult.
I believe I am a player's coach. I understand when a player gets frustrated and why and I tailor some of my practice plans around what the TEAM wants to do. I think its important for the players to feel some ownership in their program and not so much a dictatorship from the coaches. Let's face it, in fastpitch years I'm over the hill and I can't play anymore. I often ask opinions and ideas from the team because ultimately THEY are the ones running the team from within and they know their needs better than me sometimes. They got the inside scoop!
Before this year started I was so motivated and ready to rock! Minus some errors in ordering equipment and uniforms, all was in place. The season started off pretty strong the first few weeks but for so many reasons the season quickly slipped away. This program is trying to find their place as individuals and not as a team. It's pretty tough to get 14 kids..i mean girls...to be together as one.
So..yesterday for practice, us coaches hit the "reset" button. We had a good ol' bitch session. We expressed our concerns, what we don't like, what we need to do, and shared very deep experiences we have had as people that have made us who we are so far. There were three people who chose not to say a word...so while the practice itself, I feel, was a good start to a new chapter in our season, I hope these three find strength in their team; to let go of the negative emotions and push themselves to a higher level mentally. I believe in this team so much and I wish they could feel the effort I put into every one of them.
Coaching/teaching has got to be one of the hardest jobs on the planet. Getting a team of 14 girls, or a program of 24, to mesh and fire on all cylinders is down right impossible. Yet, that word impossible is only temporary and I'm not going to give into it. I don't always have the answers and I make mistakes, but I know where to find the answer and never make the same mistake twice. This year has been the hardest...still trying to figure out why...
I think my biggest strength as a leader is my humor and compassion for others. I'm a player's coach. I cut them breaks when they need it or ask for it, I ask their opinions for practice plans on occasion, I give rewards for accomplishments in not just softball, but school as well.
My weakness? Probably my awesome ability to over internalize and dwell on negative scenarios. Even though I rarely show that side to a team it's still a weakness. When situations get over repetitive, I stay angry about it and my brain wants me to make such rash decisions. I think when I hit a brick wall, and feel like I can't help a kid I loose my rationale part of my brain in frustration. I'm still young, I'm still learning, and soon I will make this a strength. I have to be successful and strive for it every day.
Everything I do is seen by the world. My actions and my words reflect who I am. For the most part I'm great in how I represent myself. Although, my passion and emotions hit extremes and it can be difficult to control.
LIFE! Crazy huh? I love what I do. I love the every day challenges. Even on my worst of days, I know its making me stronger.
My team is still in reach of play-offs. Never to late to turn things around! Doin' it better than it has ever been done before! Go Bulldogs!
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