It's On Like Donkey Kong

It's probably obvious by now, seeing the location of my Facebook and Instagram posts, that I'm back in the states.

Things didn't work out to well with me and Jordan.

I don't think its appropriate to disclose the reasons why publicly.

However, coming home was not easy. Dealing with a divorce is not easy. Ending a relationship that was sparked 12 years ago is not easy. There's a piece of me that will always remain with Jordan and in Japan. From June of last year to February of this year, has been an incredibly difficult ride. I'm not even sure how I'm in such a good place, but I am.

This post isn't to be negative to him, but I just want to share how incredible my life is.

It is phenomenal who comes out of the wood work to support you when you desperately need it. I met a couple life long friends in Japan who walked with me every step of the way and family and friends at home who didn't care how late in the night I called to just talk.

Then it got more powerful when I got home. People I've always had a good time with, but never really hung out a ton with, was there.

Life sucks sometimes. There's no doubt about that. Life in itself, however, is not terrible. No matter your circumstance. Even if you think you messed everything up and there's no fixing things...there is. When things don't go your way and it seems like you have had a year of bad luck, that doesn't mean its going to last forever. You have to literally pick yourself up and keep moving.

There were so many times I wanted to throw my hands up in the air with defeat. I literally could not care any less about my life, where it was going to go, or what would happen. I gave up CrossFit for a little bit. I stopped eating for a couple months. Dropped 10 pounds in a very unhealthy way. I literally gave up.

But oddly, every day, there was one thing that ran through my mind. One moment in my past that taught me a lesson and that kept creeping into the forefront of my mind...

The day I quit softball at the University of Washington and the three years after that I spent regretting it. I learned, three years after the fact, that you never quit because life gets hard. You don't give up because you feel like you messed things up beyond repair. When you do, you feel regret.

So for the last 2 1/2 months, I began thinking of all the things I was going to do to move on from this. To get over my anger, to make sure I didn't fall, to not regret a single thing.

Since the moment I stepped foot back in the states, I've been on the move. As a result, I'm back in CrossFit and starting back at square one. Dropping the ego, relearning what I thought I knew by heart and getting back into a sport I love as much as I do softball. I'd like to thank CrossFit Advantage for that. You guys are amazing and I'm so happy you exist! Cody, you have an amazing gym!

I also started a brand new career. One of my closest and longest friends, Emily, is giving me a shot with her company to help make it grow and be a staple with its resources in not just education, but in just about anywhere. My background in education helps for sure and I'll be teaching with the company within a year (hopefully!). I'll probably get back into coaching too down the line which has me excited also.

Every day I wake up with an agenda. I wake up trying to answer one question: How am I going to make myself better today? How am I going to be the best person I can be today? Sometimes the answer to that question is just waking up with a good attitude. Sometimes its dedicating the day to pushing myself past my limit with my job or in the gym. Sometimes it just connecting with a friend or family member I haven't talked to in a while. There is always something. I'm not perfect. I'm not always the best person or make the best decisions. But can anyone really say they are? No. The courage to be the best YOU can be will be enough.

I'm learning one more thing. How to just live with myself. How to love me for me. It's easy to get caught up in the rat race of life and push away any thoughts of reflection. Keeping busy so you don't have to face the truth. I'm pushing myself to face the truth every day. Sometimes its good. Sometimes bad. However, I realize these faults and I strive to correct them. For my strengths, I make sure I continue to use them.

I've got plans people! I've got standards and goals. I'll achieve every single one of them and maybe even exceed my expectations in those endeavors. There will be good days and bad days still to come. That's ok. I've got a lot of support to fall back onto, so I'm pretty sure I'll be fine.

Thank you to everyone who has stepped into my life. Whether we talk or not. You've effected me in some way. You've contributed to who I am whether our experiences together have been positive or not. To all my friends and especially my family (on both sides) thank you. One of my flaws I need to improve is communication. I promise to make that my strength.

No regrets right? That's typically my theme in my posts. Live life to the fullest! That means something different to everyone, but don't waste your time with it. Live it. Even if its indulging in a day of Netflix like I just did. :)

And on those days, where you think everything has gone to hell, just know that it hasn't. Feel those emotions. Really feel them. Pushing them away just makes those emotions stronger later down the road and it explodes into something bigger. If you just sit, and you just feel...you will learn a lot about yourself. Cry, get angry, hide from the world, do whatever you need to do to get those emotions out. There's nothing wrong with making everything about you. It's needed from time to time. Do it until you get it all out.

Then start being awesome again. Start getting back to your roots. Remember what makes you tick, what makes you move, what makes you smile, and do all those things. Every. Single. One.

I didn't write this to be a sob story, but to maybe tell you that its ok to feel. It's ok to give up. It's ok to move on. We all have a process. Go with it. Just know that throwing in the towel entirely is NEVER an option. Ever. You're better than that. I'm better than that. Our lives are worth more and we deserve to enjoy every second regardless of what you did or are going through. Change it right now.

What are you going to do today to be the best version of you?

Road Trip: Japanese Style

Sometimes, you just need to get out. You  need to escape. That doesn't mean you run from your problems, but you need to recharge to be able to face them.

In the midst of what seemed like the end of the world, I grabbed control. I decided to be happy. I planned a 2 day road trip in 20 minutes and left less than 12 hours later.

And it. Was. Awesome!!!

It actually kind of started with my friend Sy. She said I should hang out with her, taking the train somewhere for the day. Then I said, "I wish we could just go on a quick 2 day road trip..."

Sy responded, "I'm totally down."

The rest was history! I also invited my other good friend Steph. The best part about this whole trip was that my two friends were willing to drop their lives on a dime for two days, to come with me and support me. That right there means more to me than they will ever understand. They gave me strength before I had a chance to feel like I had none left and it was absolutely amazing!

There was honestly nothing planned for this trip. The only thing that was for sure was where we were staying and visiting 3 places. We didn't plan out food, stops, we knew tolls would be pricey but had no idea what the cost would be, we didn't know about parking in the city, or time frames when visiting our places. We just jumped in the car and took off!!

Sy brought her little boy, Carson. He's 7 months old and was an absolute ANGEL on the trip. I can't say enough how amazing he was. The initial drive was 5 hours and he handled it like a champ!

Our main destination was Hiroshima. We also stopped in Iwakuni and Miyajima. I booked us what seemed to be a very very nice hotel. From the pictures, it sat on the water over looking the bay and surrounded by mountains with a view of the city. It looked gorgeous! I scored a hot deal on Priceline and then prayed it wasn't actually a dive. Hahaha. That's part of the fun though right?!

First, let me tell you about our hotel...

The road it ended up being on was very sketchy....lol. We drove through this fairly industrial area/fisherman cove type thing. My friends joked about what a "nice" hotel I may have gotten us into. When we got to the end of the road, this gigantic and prestigious hotel emerged. The people walking in and out of the hotel were dressed to the nine. We felt like mere peasants that had won a trip to the king's palace. It turned out to be a 4 star hotel that we ended up getting for next to nothing!! Truly amazing. It sat right on the bay and overlooked the water, mountains and the city of Hiroshima. It was incredible.

After exploring the hotel and checking out all it had and having drinks on the top floor, we headed to our room. It was a room with 2 beds, so we called down for a cot. Some how the guy thought I said air conditioning...anyways, he gets up to our room, we explain what we need again and he leaves. Not too long after we get a call. The guy asks who we need a cot for and I say the baby...lies...haha. He then explains he cannot provide a bed for the baby and that the guy that was just up in our room said that there were three people in there. So of course I lie and say that one of us is not staying. Stephanie was a little on the edge for a while thinking we were going to get caught but of course we didn't!

So we get up the next morning, ready to start our day. I check out of the hotel, we jump in the car and then go to exit the parking lot. We insert out ticket into the machine and the total came to 6,200Y!!! I was like what the hell?! I had 3 people behind me waiting and we didn't have the proper bills to pay it, so we make the other people back up and we re-park. I go inside, ask for validation (which I should have done before) and he hits a few buttons on his computer and all of a sudden our parking ticket is 500Y..dodged a bullet there!!! Steph thought they found out we lied about the people in our room and tacked it onto our parking but that was just ludicrous!!! We figured it out. hahaha.

Moving on!

Here are the three places we visited:

Kintaikyo Bridge

The bridge was originally construct in 1673 by Lord Kikkawa Hiroyoshi. It's been reconstructed and improved since then but it's pretty cool! Nothing much to the history of it other than that.

Hiroshima Peace Memorial

This place was insane. It was huge. It was bigger and more intense than the Nagasaki Peace Park. We visited the A-Bomb dome, which was basically where it hit. We also walked through the museum and that was really crazy. Unlike the memorial in Nagasaki, this memorial actually admitted that the Japanese attacked first. Nothing made America sound to terrible. The whole museum was more of a protest against nuclear weapons and a global movement to disarm nuclear weapons all over the world. 

Half the museum was about how and why the bombing happened. The second half showed how the bomb affected the people that day and how nuclear radiation works when its exposed to humans. There was actually 3 wax figures that showed how skin was melted off bodies and dangled like loose shirts. Incredibly gross but also eye opening. The rest of the area had exhibits of kids clothes, background stories of people, and scientific facts on how radiation changes our chromosomes and how nuclear bombs work.

It was incredible. I learned a lot. It's even crazier that I've been to Pearl Harbor and both a-bomb sites in Japan. I've experienced history first hand. Not a lot of people can say they've done that.

Itsukushima

This island sits in Hiroshima Bay and is also known as Miyajima (Shrine Island).  Empress Suiko is believed to have initially established the shrine but it wasn't put into its present form until 1555. This place is not very big. The whole island itself doesn't even have a freaking street light! But it does have two schools and only 2,000 people inhabit the island. You can spend just the day there or you can find a place to crash for the night! If we had more time we would have definitely stayed the night!!!

There are tons of deer there and apparently monkeys also. I assume the monkeys are up in the mountains though. I read that there are a lot of shrines on the island I think even maybe a castle. You can also climb to the top of Mt. Misen but we didn't have the time or the ability too hike. We were in the present of a 7 month old and we all know he called the shots! Haha.

When we got kind of close to the Torii gate in the water, this group of Japanese men look at us and yell, "Oh my gawwwwww!" It was hilarious!! So we yelled it back and we ended up taking a picture with them. It was the best! While we were taking a picture a deer decided to join us and that just added to the excitement.

All in all this was a fantastic trip! SO MUCH FUN!

I made a slide show...enjoy!